Awkward Situation

This morning I met my friend Sa and Li when I was walking to the canteen near my dorm to have my breakfast. They asked me to go to the art festival in my uni and then we could go to the church together. Since I have no plan for today, I said yes for sure.

So then we were: me, Sa, Ly, and Ty went to the art festival in hot summery sun. Gosh, it was so damn HOT. Moreover, because this festival is held about once every four years, everybody from around the town came and of course caused traffic-jam everywhere around my uni. It made me more peevish.
Yah, the festival itself wasn’t bad though; there were many kiosks that sell many hand-made crafts and souvenirs. You would like it, especially if you’re coming from outta town and looking for something as souvenirs.

I myself enjoyed the scenery of cute guys walking around. At my left, those cute Australian tourists were debating about the fabric’s price sold there. At my right, owww, look at that hot-bod, whoooow *drool* ehehe. Too bad I can’t post the pics here cos I afraid someone might recognize them or reckon where my uni is =p

Then there, we met Ty and Sa’s friends: Ne (a girl), Dj (a boy), and Ng (also a boy). Dj is also my friend, but it was the first time I met Ne and Ng, so Ty and Sa introduced me to them both. Ng is one year older than me, while Ne is one year younger than me. They both are in the same uni as me but they take different major. So then they joined our group and we walked around together during the festival.

About 4.30 o’clock, we walked out the festival area and went to the church together. I felt a bit sleepy during the sermon, so I fell asleep *yawnnn*, until the time to accept the holy bread, hehehe, naughty me. Yah, long to short, finally the Holy Mass is finished and then we went to have our dinner together, cos it almost 7 o’clock in the evening.

The fun is about to begin…

On our way to the dinner, Ng always tried to make conversations with me (the beginning of my suspiciousness, because he didn’t talk to others) and always tried to make eye contacts with me. The thing wasn’t different during our dinner. He laughed at my jokes, smiled at me cutely, stared at my eyes with ‘that’ look. That kind of look you’d use if you like someone. That tender and gentle look, you know? Every time I tried to reply his stare, he would just shift his stare onto someone else; dare not to see me straight to the eyes. Well, I’m not being self-centered here, and forgive me if I’m wrong and easy judging, but from the way he behaves, I thought that this guy liked me (since he didn’t see others and talk to other that way he see and talk with me), tee hee. And the funny thing is Ne did the exact same thing as he did.

So there I was, in some sort of awkward situation. The world around us seemed blurring and just black-and white (ahaha, cliché ya?). There were just the three of us. One gay guy (that’s me) being starred by one suspiciously-gay guy and one cute girl. Wakssss…

After we finished our dinner, we went to Sa’s dorm to have a bit chit-chat and game since we rarely reunited like this (yah, because everyone has his/her own business la). And the awkward situation I’ve mentioned before again repeated. That two always trying to make eye contacts, and it made me feel awkward. Awwwghhh.

Well, I kinda like Ng though. He’s neither gorgeous nor cute. I could say that he’s average. His height is about my height, but his body a bit more toned, with short curly black hair, white skin, and thin sideburns. I saw that he’s also a bit hairy (just a bit, not too much) from the lil’ tuft of chest hair on top of his shirt. And one thing which makes me like him, he’s manly. Not that kind of butch or ah-beng la, but in a nice way. Pity us, we didn’t have much time for more chit-chat thus made me couldn’t discover him more this time.

About the girl, Ne is not bad herself. She’s cute, if I may say. But I won’t describe much about her here, kekeke.

Yah, once more, long to short, nothing happened. I still haven’t know whether he’s really likes me or not (and of course, whether he’s gay or not). Shit, I forgot to ask Ng’s mobile number. But I’m looking forward to meet him again on this Tuesday, since we’re going to take some psycho test together on the same place. Wish me luck guys. Hope I’ll be lucky.

Addicted to Porn

I dunno since when, but I have this weird hobby: watching and collecting gay porns. Aww, how embarrassing to write this thing here…x-)

I got my very first collection from my best buddy R when I was 2^nd grade in high school. We were chummy friends back then. He is approximately 33 y/o right now and currently married with a girl (but I don’t know his wife) so we somehow has lost contact until now. But I’ll always remember him no matter what. He’s the first gay man I know after all=)

Yah, back to my story, he sometimes asked me to visit him at his apartment. And one time, he asked me whether I have ever watched gay porn or not. Me, as a naïve one (hehehe, yes, I was naïve and unadorned that time), of course said “No”. So then he gave me my first gay porn. I remember the title well. It is entitled “Plunge” and the main plot is about some guys like playing around the swimming pool (naked of course). They play games such as ‘Friend’s Swimsuit Polo’ or ‘Dick-Rubbing’ or ‘Sag-a-thon’. Of course I had my very HARD erection when I watched that movie. Gosh, it was my first experience watching so lustful gay porn.

After got my first gay porn, I started looking for more and more. Especially now that I’ve met my best buddy Ed who also shares big love for gay porn. We ordered many many gay porns over the internet. At first, I thought we wouldn’t finish watching it all in one year, because it really is a HUGE collection of gay porn (almost 40 CDs, hahaha). But we were wrong=p We watched it all just in few weeks. Ahaha, we’re such an addict ya.

At first I watched them almost everyday, but now I try to just watch those films once-a-week only, and so far it works, hehehe. Maybe part of it just because I’ve bored with my collection already ya…

Geez, now I’m just looking for new porns to fulfill our dirty desire. Helppppp me from this addiction!!!

Do you guys also have similar problem??

Too ‘Straight’?!?

“I like straight-acting guy, twinks, doctor,…………..bla bla”

Is one introduction sentence I read on a gay dating site yesterday.

Talking about straight-acting, I dunno lho, how could the guy who wrote that sentence recognize whether someone is a straight-acting gay or a real straight guy. The case is different if you have a really strong gaydar or what to help you recognize the gay ones.

Me myself for instance, many people say I can hardly be recognized as gay one (No protest! That’s not me talking lho =p). So when mrbunnyban told me that maybe the reason why STUPIDO stop chasing me is because he’s kinda tired chasing a ‘straight’ guy like me, it makes me think.

Am I really too ‘straight’ thus made STUPIDO flustered? Well maybe that is. Cos STUPIDO is still a newbie in a rainbow world, thus makes him hardly recognized me waving my rainbow bait to lure him to me. Argggh….

Now that everyone gossiping about this new couple (Ca and STUPIDO), it makes me a bit jealous. Especially when those people start to talking to me stuff like,
“How did they be together?”
“When did they start dating each other?”
“Ahhh, how COULD they be together?”
“Pity Ca, she always surrounded by narcisst guy like you and STUPIDO. Hahaha”
‘SHIT! Is it for real?? I must congratulate them two.”
Arrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhh.
Yah, you know la how it feels.

Mouse No Longer Loves Rice

I knew that love can’t be forgotten easily and I knew that I won’t ever forget my love to this STUPIDO, but I think this song represents what I’m feeling now very well :-)

If you want a copy of this song, simply message me on MSN, jackmcphee21@hotmail.com

I don’t want to surrender to this situation, awkward situation if I may say. I will collect my pieces of heart and try to build my love once again, maybe for this STUPIDO, or maybe for someone else. Forgive me for being so mellow these few days, I promise I’ll be okay from now on.

Thanks Ed for providing the translation...

Lau Shu Bu Zai Ai Da Mi
(Mouse No Longer Loves Rice)

Ni li kai zhi hou
after you have left

Wo yao zhi ji zou
I have to walk by myself

Fang kai shou, bu hui tou
Letting your hands, no looking back [anymore]

Chuang wai de yu bu ting liu
The rain outside the window, falling continuously

Yu ji guai lai dao, mong bei chui zhe zou
After the rain has stopped, all the dreams have been blown away

Wo de ai ni bu dong
My love that you fail to understand

Ai qing jiu xiang ge hei dong
Love is just like a black hole

Tong guo zhi hou, yao xue wei jiao bu zhi ji
After [passing through] the pain, I’ll learn to live by myself

Guo qu de, wang ji le
All the by-gones, I have forgotten them all

Bu zai wei ni fei xing ji
No longer accompanying you through the live

Wen an de lu deng, xuan de hen gu ju
Warm-bright lamp in the side of the street, shining so lonely

Bu yao jin, mei guan xi
It’s okay, no problem

Wo yao hao hao huo xia qu
I’ll live my life very well

Gai wang ji de, wang ji dou dang cheng hui yi
All I have to forget, I’ll let them become only memories

Shuo hao le, bu ku qu
After been said, Not crying anymore

Hua luo lei shui man man di
The tears-drop slowly falls

You na me yi tian, wo yi jing she yu
I have a day like this, I have already been satisfied

Jiu xiang lao shu wang ji le zhi ji
Just like the mouse that forgets itself

Chen jing ai da mi
Ever been loving the rice

© zhongGen – gagfi.blogspot.com

Go Back To The Past

A translation of Jay Chou's song,

回到過去
Hui Dao Guo Qu
Go Back To The Past

A yellow and old light
Time is at the side, suffocating without uttering a word
Loneliness starts with completely no sense of propriety
Don’t understand the difference between light and heavy
Silence
Propping up jumps across strange
Quietly watching early dawn and dusk
Your body shape
Loses balance
Slowly sinks
Darkness is already flying around in mid air
Should proceed where, I cannot see
Maybe love is in another end of the dream
No way of living in real space
I want to go back to the past
I am trying to hold you in my arms
The sheepish face carries a bit of childishness
I want to see
The world you see
I want to be in your dream’s frame
As long as I can depend on being together I can then feel the sweetness
I want to go back to the past
I am trying to let the story continue
At least I don’t let you leave me again
Divert time's attention
This time I will hold you even more tightly
I request you to stay like this, I don’t know if I am too late or not
I want to go back to the past
A yellow and old light
Lightens this whole concert
Thank you all for coming to watch me
I’m very moved and also very happy
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You know, this is the first time I get sentimental about love. Ya, I can say myself as a selfish guy, yes, that's who I am. From all I can remember, I rarely feel I love someone, even to my ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend *sorry sorry to you two*.
All I feel for them is that I like them and I don’t want to lose them, no more. Perhaps was because I didn’t find ‘something’ in them that is precious to me. When we broke-up, I didn’t think much about it and I didn’t feel too sad because of it. But now I feel lose this guy more than what I think. It's weird.
I realize that he wasn't mine. I realize that was also my fault. I realize he’s stupid. I realize he’s naïve. I realize I’m such a coward for not telling him the truth. I realize maybe he’s tired with me. I realize that maybe we aren’t destined to be together. And now I realize that he will be a part of my live I won’t ever forget.

Good bye Stupido. Just want to say I loved you.