Feeling tired, yet slightly feel emptiness inside. The suite is quiet with silence hanging in the air at times. And such silence, is a perfect ambience for daydreaming and reminisce what has happened recently.
Few days ago I met this guy, Alan. I knew him from Jack'd, a Grindr alternative I use while I'm here in UAE. Do you guys know that Grindr is banned from running from local internet network here?
Where was I? Oh ya, Alan. He was looking for a long term relationship, and was looking forward to see me. Like many times I had said to other guys I meet, I wasn't in a rush to start a new relationship, I'm more looking for friends... Friends with benefit are also fine, but not relationship. And ya he insisted on trying to change my mind.
Long story short...
From the talking, the way he pushed himself toward me, the moment we kissed (It was DRY and unpleasant... Both literally and figuratively), to how he pinched my nose slightly. It all felt wrong. DEAD WRONG.
This may sounds cliche as some of you might have heard that first kiss sometimes is a deciding factor whether there will be next date or not. For me, this is the moment I feel it that way. Second date is a no no, definitely.
Never before I resent the feeling of being with a guy, but it was before I meet him. Every single move and gesture, just as if it's like a repetitive chore. The sex itself was meaningless, in a rush, just fulfill our unsatisfied desire of physical love. No more than that.
After finished, all that left was just a disgust feeling. I wanted him to go, as fast as he could. That feeling went even bigger and bigger until he finally left. There was a big 'huffffffffffff, finally....' moment at that time.
Am I becoming heartless now? Or in the middle of process of becoming straight? This last one is very unlikely, I guess :-/
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