Dilemma of a (Geeky) Gay Guy

This post was made in an airport lounge in B-town while I was waiting for my long-delayed night flight. Inspired after long long chat session with a friend of mine, who's really not into gay scene yet desperately yearns to find love.

At times, we (geeky) gay guys find it hard to make new gay friends. Mostly the case is, we meet some guys and try to make friends online. In gay universe, knowing your friend is gay from childhood is such a rare case. Even myself fully realize that I am into guys after some time back then. So unlike straight people, at times we turn our head into those online dating sites or gym.

So we had divided the gay guys channels of meeting other guys into 3. Feel free to add more.

• Online dating sites
• Gym
• Friend's reference

Clubs are out of options because it's definitely a big no-no for most of us. Plus, do you really want to look for life-partner candidates in a club? Doubt it.

Now I will dig down deeper on option number one. Let's leave number two and three for later elaboration.
How do you determine if someone is worth to make friends with, online?
Most of the time, we will end up decide whether someone worth befriend or not from his appearance. Which is not how we start to relate with someone in real life.
Not to be hypocrite, that's also the occurrence with me, at times. I will at times reply messages or hearts that I got based on what I see at first.

Hearts vs Messages
Well, do you take hearts seriously? Dating site like Fridae offers two options for leaving your trace to ones you like. By sending hearts, or send the guy a message.

Most guys will just try initiate an endless heart exchange session instead of trying to start a real conversation with you. This is tiresome. Complete waste of time.
Some guys do take hearts seriously. For me at least I will send hearts to only select people that I like, and I sometimes look at someone's profile to see how many hearts he has exchanged. If I see thousands of hearts received, I will get an instant prejudice that the guy is a player. Although that might not be true. But I can't help it. Just that. Prejudice. A. Player.

Messages seem more polite. And to the point. And not wasting time. Which leads us to my point below.

How do you start conversation with total strangers? I'm no good in this.
Think it is the most difficult part about trying to make friends online, don't you think?

• Do you start with complimenting how he looks?
• Or start relating with him from his 'describe yourself' section? Starting by saying how you have similar thoughts, same hobbies, or having similar experience?
• Or just go directly asking him out to meet up for a coffee (in my opinion, that's one reason why coffee house are everywhere these days) and continue from there?
• ???

Pffft... I just want to be known for who I am, not just how I looks. First impression is important, but what's even more important is what lies beneath. Why is it so hard?

I just need you to undress me... Figuratively :)