After few days ago I completed that business simulation game on Jakarta (which I mentioned to you before), I headed back to B-town and arrived just at 2 AM in the morning. Feeling dizzy and exhausted, I slept until almost 9 AM, forgetting about the Corrosion exam and all. I thought I would ask for dispensation la...
You know what? I'm tired I'm really tired of how my relationship with Mouse going. Just yesterday I found out that he wrote in our blog, that he feels guilty because of this relationship. Furthermore, he asked if we can continue this relationship with no sexual intimacy. He told me that he can't do it anymore, considering that same-sex relationship is contrary with our religion's belief (we're Catholic, btw) and that he doesn't want to disappoint his parent and so so.
I wanted to yell at him when he said that on the phone... I ALSO feel that way!!!!( If he couldn't realize that). I feel guilty too after we did those sexual thingie. But instead, I still want us to do that because I know that we don't have much time before he getting married or what... So I just wanted to enjoy our togetherness and do whatever we can do at this time. I JUST DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY REGRETS in the future. I don't want us in the future look back to the past and say "Wish I...", "I hope that I...". I just don't want that.
From the first time we met and decided to walk together, we agreed that this relationship has many obstacles (our parents, that he would eventually get married, and so so), and still we've been get through it together. And what about now? He suddenly did this... I just don't understand him, really. It's not that I expect sex sex and sex only. I thought that sex is necessary in a relationship, but not a highest priority. But... ough...I don't know what to say. If he feels that way about same-sex sexual intimacy, then why he started it in the first place?
I don't want to think about our future, at least not now! Because I know it hurts... just to think how we will have our own separated way.
You know, if there are times when I regret how I was born as bisexual, this is one of them... Had I am straight I wouldn't EVER feel this way! Geez, I don't even have strength to cry nor the shoulder to cry on.
So he said we still walk on together, we can still communicate by phone, blog, SMS, e-mail, and maybe meet now and then. But just stop the sexual contact between us. Somehow, I feel so far away..... If so, what the difference between me and him and between me and my friends then?
I had this thought, that maybe it would be better with me if I never ever meet him at all. That we don't have a crossing destiny. So I don't have to face this...
Maybe that's because I love him so much T_T
You know what? I'm tired I'm really tired of how my relationship with Mouse going. Just yesterday I found out that he wrote in our blog, that he feels guilty because of this relationship. Furthermore, he asked if we can continue this relationship with no sexual intimacy. He told me that he can't do it anymore, considering that same-sex relationship is contrary with our religion's belief (we're Catholic, btw) and that he doesn't want to disappoint his parent and so so.
I wanted to yell at him when he said that on the phone... I ALSO feel that way!!!!( If he couldn't realize that). I feel guilty too after we did those sexual thingie. But instead, I still want us to do that because I know that we don't have much time before he getting married or what... So I just wanted to enjoy our togetherness and do whatever we can do at this time. I JUST DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY REGRETS in the future. I don't want us in the future look back to the past and say "Wish I...", "I hope that I...". I just don't want that.
From the first time we met and decided to walk together, we agreed that this relationship has many obstacles (our parents, that he would eventually get married, and so so), and still we've been get through it together. And what about now? He suddenly did this... I just don't understand him, really. It's not that I expect sex sex and sex only. I thought that sex is necessary in a relationship, but not a highest priority. But... ough...I don't know what to say. If he feels that way about same-sex sexual intimacy, then why he started it in the first place?
I don't want to think about our future, at least not now! Because I know it hurts... just to think how we will have our own separated way.
You know, if there are times when I regret how I was born as bisexual, this is one of them... Had I am straight I wouldn't EVER feel this way! Geez, I don't even have strength to cry nor the shoulder to cry on.
So he said we still walk on together, we can still communicate by phone, blog, SMS, e-mail, and maybe meet now and then. But just stop the sexual contact between us. Somehow, I feel so far away..... If so, what the difference between me and him and between me and my friends then?
I had this thought, that maybe it would be better with me if I never ever meet him at all. That we don't have a crossing destiny. So I don't have to face this...
Maybe that's because I love him so much T_T
2 comments:
i also have that feeling on my past relationships. but i always say that if that is going to happen someday, what difference does it make if it happens now. i prefer that it happens now, its better to be hurt now than later. its much easier to move on.
Yeah, you're right, it's better to face it now than some time later in the future. Still, he doesn't want to break-up with me... Oh well, let's see where this relationship goes :-/
Wish me the best ya^^
Post a Comment