Tired...

After few days ago I completed that business simulation game on Jakarta (which I mentioned to you before), I headed back to B-town and arrived just at 2 AM in the morning. Feeling dizzy and exhausted, I slept until almost 9 AM, forgetting about the Corrosion exam and all. I thought I would ask for dispensation la...



You know what? I'm tired I'm really tired of how my relationship with Mouse going. Just yesterday I found out that he wrote in our blog, that he feels guilty because of this relationship. Furthermore, he asked if we can continue this relationship with no sexual intimacy. He told me that he can't do it anymore, considering that same-sex relationship is contrary with our religion's belief (we're Catholic, btw) and that he doesn't want to disappoint his parent and so so.

I wanted to yell at him when he said that on the phone... I ALSO feel that way!!!!( If he couldn't realize that). I feel guilty too after we did those sexual thingie. But instead, I still want us to do that because I know that we don't have much time before he getting married or what... So I just wanted to enjoy our togetherness and do whatever we can do at this time. I JUST DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY REGRETS in the future. I don't want us in the future look back to the past and say "Wish I...", "I hope that I...". I just don't want that.



From the first time we met and decided to walk together, we agreed that this relationship has many obstacles (our parents, that he would eventually get married, and so so), and still we've been get through it together. And what about now? He suddenly did this... I just don't understand him, really. It's not that I expect sex sex and sex only. I thought that sex is necessary in a relationship, but not a highest priority. But... ough...I don't know what to say. If he feels that way about same-sex sexual intimacy, then why he started it in the first place?



I don't want to think about our future, at least not now! Because I know it hurts... just to think how we will have our own separated way.

You know, if there are times when I regret how I was born as bisexual, this is one of them... Had I am straight I wouldn't EVER feel this way! Geez, I don't even have strength to cry nor the shoulder to cry on.

So he said we still walk on together, we can still communicate by phone, blog, SMS, e-mail, and maybe meet now and then. But just stop the sexual contact between us. Somehow, I feel so far away..... If so, what the difference between me and him and between me and my friends then?



I had this thought, that maybe it would be better with me if I never ever meet him at all. That we don't have a crossing destiny. So I don't have to face this...

Maybe that's because I love him so much T_T

Before I Head Back to J-town

This afternoon I will head back to J-town to meet my beloved Mouse^^ Yes, I'll do sleepover again at his apartment. Actually I didn't tell my parents that I would come back for this easter (since I want to spend this holiday with my Mouse, hehe). Duh, such a naughty naughty boy I am :p

So this is my plan...

Thursday - Sunday: Play play with Mouse all day long

Sunday: Head back to B-town, preparing myself for the next day's exam

Monday: Corrosion Material Exam, bwuh...

Tuesday: Back back back to J-town, attending a business competition which I was selected to join to. I will stay in Manhattan Hotel, and since Mouse will stay in J-town until this day, maybe we can meet again somemore *grin

Friday: Completing the events, back to B-town and study study study again for the next mid-semester exam.



Phewww, what a busy life....

Laboratorium Session

This week is the Holy Week and my university will have a holiday starting on Friday. Well, of course, like another holiday, I will go to J-town to meet my beloved Mouse. Really miss him so much....^^ We've also planned to see Mr Bean Holiday on the cinema.

But of course, uni won't give up that easy in not letting us enjoying our holiday. Yes, I still have one lab session this week with that so-called "complete report" which will be collected on next Monday. Not only that report actually, they also will give us EXAM on Monday. Geez.



Usually I (never) do this:

-Preparing my report draft before the lab session

-Study for the exam, one week before

Ow ow, they call us to take the presence note before the lab begin, gotta go...

ScribeFire

Well, hello everyone. A really really long time no see rite :) Miss you all and blogosphere very much. I'm now trying for a new plug-ins in Firefox that allows you to post to your blog without logging on. Test test....123.





A glitch of my life happened while I was absent in blogosphere...



A girl ASKED me to be his her [I edited it already lho, koala, hehe] boyfriend... WOW....



How was that sounded? Of course, without further ado, I rejected her (without telling her the reasons, for sure). Poor girl...

No Update for Quite Some Time

Yah yah yah, because of my chaotic and tight schedule moments back, I couldn’t update my blog for some time. Don’t you worry, I’m really okay :-) Thanks for ice and zeng for asking, I really appreciate that…
There’s many things happened during my absence in blogosphere,

One, I updated my Windows XP Service Pack 2 to Windows Vista Ultimate Edition. Geez, just saw how heavy-loaded Windows Vista made me uncomfortable at first. It asked you to have at least 512 Mb memory on your system (while mine was just 512Mb, pretty decent, but still I happened to upgrade my memory to enjoy Vista’s Aero desktop look) and a graphic card with at least 256 Mb memory. What is Microsoft trying to do with this actually? Nevertheless, I couldn’t resist to that cool Aero look, hehe. The only reason why I upgraded my Windows was because I was really bored with its appearance. So although this new Windows comes with such minimum requirements, I choose to upgrade.

Two, I made Bakka-chan (you remember? That my ex-crush guy who used my girl friend Ca to be his concealer) kinda shocked since he saw me and Ca exchanged jackets with our initial on its collar. Hm hm, now he will definitely think that I was the one who convinced Ca to break-up with him back then so I can be with her. Wonder so.

Three, last Saturday, I just held a BBQ party at a park near my dorm. From what supposedly be a small gathering party between me and few of my friends became a really HUGE party with almost 50 people attending. Waw…

Four, new semester has just started… With my not-so-good result last semester, I should study really hard to pursuing my scholarship to study abroad. Actually what I want is not the scholarship for study itself, but I just want to take a break and feel the new life abroad, hehehe.

Ah, isn’t this post just some kind of filler? Mmm…