I’ve got an ongoing problem that’s really starting to put a crimp in my sex life. Guys I fool around with seem to be able to last a long time without ejaculating, but I’m always ready to go within a few minutes! To reference a recent Glee episode, I have to think about old ladies in their panties for a minute before I can start going again, and it’s getting to be a real drag.
Any suggestions?
Did It in a Minute
Premature ejaculation is a bummer. Sometimes it's biological—your body just behaves this way; sometimes it's due to training because when you first started diddling you needed to make it quick so that you wouldn't get caught by a parent or sibling. You may need to see a sex therapist, but before you do that let me make some (much cheaper) suggestions:
1. Be of Service
Remove the emphasis off your linguine of love and instead take time to please your partner. No man will turn down the extra attention, and when he's getting closer to completion you can better time your finish.
2. Stay Slightly Out of Reach
When you're working your guy, keep away from his hands. That way he won't accidentally work you into a frenzy before you're ready.
3. Tease Yourself
This isn't to say that you should keep your privates sequestered like a nun. As you're helping him along, give yourself a little tease. Work up those sensations then stop yourself before things go too far. This kind of "touch and retreat" method may help train you to handle the excitement.
Guys LOVE knowing that what they're doing is turning you on. It feeds their ego and the sex (because, as Dear Dick often says, great sex begins in the brain). So if things are getting close, tell him. But do it as a compliment. That way it's not a buzz kill, it's a sex thrill.
5. Mix It Up
If you're the poker, consider using your fingers or toys some of the time. They add naughtiness and variety, and let you last longer.
6. Keep Going
Some guys don't lose their erections after ejaculating. If you're one of those men, replace the glove and start again. Yes, the penis can be sensitive but you can work through that. If you do drop your rock then immediately devote yourself to his pleasure, letting him know that you can go again—and plan to because he's so frickin' amazing! (See, there's that ego-feeding-the-brain-feeding-the-sex thing again.) Then, after 20 minutes or so, you’ll be good to go, and the second orgasm is likely to be a much longer time in arriving.
Try these things out and see how they work for you. If they don't, then seek out professional help.
Dear Dick isn't a doctor or health worker of any kind, but he did struggle with quick completion as a young buck. Fortunately, he's taken care of that situation and is happy to write about his experiences.
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