Deep Down in IRC Jungle

Well, one week without any particular thing to do is so boring. Especially when I knew STUPIDO is going to Singapore for 3 days while I’m just here, doing nothing. So that explains why I plunged myself once again in the wilderness of mIRC forest. Where you can find these following things lies:

1. A bunch of ‘sok-keren’ baboons who will judge you based on your appearance and physical properties. Which make you feel ugly whereas they aren’t any better.
2. Idiotic crocodiles who think you’re going to have an ONS (one night stand) with’em right after that chit-chat session.
3. A group of sneaking snakes who fake their face, fake their life, and fake their every little things just to fooling you around and see you feel down.
4. Few ‘newbie’ penguins who always feel too paranoid to reveal who they really are. Won’t let you see their pics or even tell you their name because too scared of the prospect of being captured. (Helloo, what’s the point of you chatting here then….??)
5. ‘Sugar-daddy’ honey-bear. No explanation for this one.
6. The tricky foxes, looking for their sugar-daddy prey to come near, trying to trap them for all the money.
7. And last (and of course least) is a group of real nice little forest fairy, all humble and warm. Will guide you through if you lost in the forest. Offering you the real hospitality of the rainbowlander if you lucky enough too meet them.

Then I met these two guys,
Edw: I classified him as a newbie penguin. This 19 y/o young guy is currently in the same uni wif one of my girl friends, named Fa. Even they’re in the same major but in the different grade (because Edw is one-year younger than her also). He’s kinda unadorned and distrustful, which made me somehow peevish on him. Not only once, he asked me to send him my pic through MMS (although he has seen it already in my friendster). But nope lah. I will never ever send my pics through MMS.

Vn: 19 y/o. Absolutely fox. Didn’t expect much from this guy since he’s far away from me (he’s in Kalimantan btw). And especially he asked me to switch my mobile number to another provider thus would freed us from the SMS charge. Geezz! His reluctant to sacrifice even tiny-bits of his mobile-phone credit proving that he isn’t serious and really doesn’t worth my time.

Yah, you can see how my futile search of love fail miserably once again. It seems that my prince charming isn’t coming any closer this time, huhuuu. And I’m pretty sure that he isn’t coming through mIRC. Owgh, where are thou, my prince???

Duh, my skin is so dry becoz of this dry weather of J-town.

Another Mind Elaborating Conversation

Releasing my mind from the thought of being deceived (and risks of bankruptcy), I went to Taman Anggrek Mall with a bunch of friends yesterday. Maybe because it’s the 2^nd day of Lebaran, the amusement places like Dunia Fantasi (Ancol Jakarta Bay City), Taman Mini, and zoos crowded with people from all over the country. Taman Anggrek wasn’t an exception. Especially that was because the Turkey Festival hullabaloo and (infected by the joy of Lebaran) great discount from branded products, such as Giordano, the Executives, and so many more. Even Terry Palmer bedcover gave discount up to 50%. Well, well….really makes you ‘laper mata’ just to see them all.

Yeah, I was the first to come, so I waited in the Gramedia bookstore. Browsing for books while at the same time looking for gay guys beneath my gaydar, as usual (thanks to my futile searching for love). There were cute guy over there, gave subtle signals to me, looking at me from the top of the book he read at times (“Hellooo cutie”*wink wink*).
That moment could’ve turned into an introduction or a chit-chat session had my friends yet to come. Sigh, apparently, he isn’t destined for me, since my friends came and ruin the entire ambience. *sob sob*

Anyway, what I want to write today is what I’ve discussed wif my friends during our lunch session on the Platinum resto.
My friend, Jim, have just recently discovered that one of his best friends in uni is actually gay. And of course, like any homophobe will do, he restrains himself not to close with that ‘homo friend’ of his anymore. Jim said that he’s scared that ‘si homo’ might like him more than just friend.
Well, I just laughed out loud when Jim told me this. Haha, if he only knew that right beside him there’s a queer guy laughing. Jim also told me convincingly (as if he were a professional in this gay psycho-social thingie and we were a bunch of elementary students not knowing anything; he was sure that we didn’t know anything about gay world, yea yea yea*mocking laugh*) that there’s a term to call those homo people, that is “BELOK”. Ha?! Being gay guy, I’ve never heard such name before, even in gay-to-gay conversation. He must’ve derived it himself. Of course, once more I laughed out loud. I believe that he derived that term from these terms,

Heterosexual guy = Straight (in Indonesian means “lurus”)
Homosexual guy = Not Straight (in Indonesian literally means “belok”)

It’s sooo amazing how straight people think that they comprehend about GLBT thingie.
Moreover, being gay doesn’t mean that we would like all men. We do choose who we like. Apparently many people still think that if you gay, you like ALL men (my friend Jim, for instance).

Gay = Love men
Love men = Picking any man in front of you
So if you gay = You’ll love any man in front of ye no matter who he is

Helloooo *knock knock*, we do have feelings, ye know? Not all about lust.

Then another friend of mine, Lia, plunged herself into this hot conversation.
“Yep, one of my friends in dorm also gay lor… I didn’t notice at all, since he’s a nerdy type, with fat body, brown skin, and so fond of computer thingie. He didn’t give even any subtle gay impression. Then one day, he told me that he was quarrelling with his boyfriend (who was surprisingly 10 years younger). Geeezzzzzzz. Every male species in my dorm was like, ‘What??? OMG, could he also have a crush on me??! Noooo.’ And everyone suddenly looked for a new dorm and moved away. Can’t blame them, though”

Hm hm hmmmm, those homophobe pricks… But I won’t criticize them today. I want to highlight part of what Lia saying that she didn’t notice that his friend’s gay at all, since he’s a nerdy type, with fat body, brown skin, and so fond of computer thingie. Yah, I can say that most people have images of a gay guy as guy with a bit queeny behavior and matching head-to-toe apparel, of course with that fondness of skin care, spa, manicure-pedicure, and other girl things in mind. I can say that sometimes this definition is valid. But from what I see, most of gay people nowadays show absolutely-straight-behavior. You wouldn’t believe that someone’s gay unless he told you himself. And what’s with that thought that if you’re gay you shouldn’t into that computer stuff?? It is dead wrong….

I myself love that computer thingie so much since I was in junior high school back then. Not only with that computer stuff, I also great with that electronic devices lor…
Here’s I list few things I like other than that:

1. COMPUTER GAMES: strategy (DotA, Age of Mythology), sport (FIFA World Cup), fighting (you name it), and many more.
2. SPORTS: Swimming, ice-skating (yeah, it’s quite queeny, kekeke), bowling, and baseball.
3. TV-SERIES: Scrubs, L.O.S.T, One Tree Hill (quite gay, yea), Queer as Folks (it’s GAY, I know), Will and Grace (it’s a sit-com, so I didn’t count it as a gay one), Friends, and many more.
4. MUSIC: I don’t like Village People’s YMCA or another so-called gay songs :-/
   I like Chinese songs, like JJLin, Jay Chou, Wang Lee Hom, Jocie Guo, Sam Lee (Lee Sheng Jie), and David Tao. I also like t.A.T.U, Kevin Covais (American Idol Season 5), McFly, and Jesse McCartney.

Am I queeny?

F-ing Impostor

“When all the things went bad, and no one else to talk about, all I do is just turn my head to the trustworthy blogosphere.”
The thing that I most hate in my life is being deceived. One of the reasons of that hate is that my family has a really bad-bad history of being deceived, not only by strangers, but also by my own relatives. And this incident contributes more to that disgusting section of our family history.

My family runs a family business here in J-town. To be exact, we’re working in trading and financing. I cannot say it a big one, but still, it’s an adequate business. And few weeks ago, this man came from nowhere. I dunno exactly about the incident though, but I’ll try to explain it as much as what I understand. This man, approximately on his 40’s, with slanting eyes, a bit fat, and had an expensive look, asked to my Pa to help him get some limited items that should be imported from Malaysia (Well, that explains why my Pa suddenly asked me to go visit Malaysia with him this holiday). Considering the price of that cargo is so expensive, my Pa asked him to give a down payment first. Long to short, he gave the down payment without much talking. The cargo itself arrived few days later, unpaid. For your information, it’s common in trading to get your order delivered before you do a payment, especially if you’re a well-known big and trustworthy customer.

Two days ago they two went to the public notary in order to do-something-I-don’t-really-understand with the business contract. According to the plan, after my Pa receives the payment of that cargo from that f-ing man, that f-ing man will get that cargo delivered. And then My Pa and I fly to Malaysia to pay the cargo. But apparently, everything didn’t go well as planned.

My dad said after, when the two were at the notary office, he felt quite dizzy and it seemed that guy did hypnotize my dad. In that unconscious state of hypnotized, my Pa gave him the right to take the cargo at the harbor without even noticing what he does. Mr. Notary wasn’t different. He gave the key to his deposit box without even noticing. And when they two regained their consciousness, that impostor has gone, left empty deposit box and took all the cargo. It’s useless to call the police. Everything was too late though. Moreover, it’s not much of a help calling the police, cos they will just ask more money from us to have an investigation on this case.

Needless to say, my trip to KL is cancelled, and we should pay the debt that impostor left us with our private assets. Well, it’s just like the old time. But luckily, we still don’t have to declare bankruptcy this time. And now, we start from zero again.
My feelings now unexplainable, either sad, furious, or whatever…. I’m sorry my fellow bloggers, for saying stuff like this…

Damn that f-ing shit! Damn him!!!!

I pray his entire life full with sorrow and suffer!!

Die in misery, you f-ing shit!!!

In the Beginning of Lebaran Holiday

Today I finally come back to J-town for Lebaran holiday. Thanks to those perpetual stresses they gave for us in the form of assignments, papers, and exams, I could barely enjoy spare times just for myself during this academic term. And now, when holiday comes, I just want to relax and enjoy my spare times to the fullest. My Pa said maybe I could accompany him for a business trip to Malaysia this holiday (Hurrayy!), we’ll get assurance for this in this few days. Well, maybe if I’m lucky enough, I could have opportunities to meet my fellow bloggers from Malaysia since we’ll stay in KL :-p But of course, it’s not good for hoping too much, hehehe.

Thing that have changed on me during this academic term and I’m so care about is: I lose my weight AGAIN, which I hardly gained on last holiday (before this academic term started. Which means, I lose about 6 kgs in this 3 months. Geez, now I’m as skinny as a chopstick.

No wonder sih. During holiday, I usually eat about 5-7 times a day (haha, amazed aren’t you?)*gobble gobble gobble* But on the contrary, during the uni term, I just eat 3 times a day. And that’s, for sure, inadequate for constraining my weight. I have such a weird and inefficient metabolism :-/

Hmmm, I haven’t been reading newspaper for a week, and today when I read the last Monday (or Tuesday? Or Wednesday? Whatever…) newspaper, I read that Indonesian President, Mr Susilo Bambang Yoedhoyono, apologized (again) to the Malaysian Foreign Minister (duh, forgot his name already) and Singapore, because of the fog and the dust that has been ‘exported’ from Indonesia because of the forest fire. Well, of course, because they’re Indonesia’s neighbor country, they also affected by the fog and dust from the forest fire.

Skeptically (and queerly :-p) I said, “Ha-ha-ha…”

Because apology doesn’t solve the problem at all. Why didn’t he just try to extinguished the fire and prevent the forest fire before, instead. Well, I can say, this isn’t the first time we had forest fire. To be exact harsh, INTENTIONAL forest fire. Because the fire caused by those ‘goblok*’ people who think it is faster and better to make new agricultural field (a.k.a. ladang) by BURNING the forest, instead of cut the trees in the forest. Well, I can say yell them,
“GO TO HELL YOU MORON CREATURE!” *showing that angry queer expression*

Geez, where did they get such moronic ideas?? If Mr. President wants to stop that fire, he should’ve got those morons jailed, better if for the rest of their life. More firm the law is better. I also saw from the newspaper, the photos of the orangutan which saved by the forest by a group of environmental volunteer. And the dead corpse of a turtle, die burned by the fire. Whew, it really made me sad…just to see that orangutan’s expression. Maybe I’m not the one who would give a big support for the environmental campaign or what on the first place, but still, I’m concerned. So when this so-called Indonesian President apologized and promised that this won’t be happened again next time, all I do is just laugh, “Ha-ha-ha…”
Because I know he wouldn’t do anything. Pfuit.

*goblok: Indonesian term means “stupid idiot”

Crush Calculator

I’ve just visited Harvey’s blog and found on his latest post something called ‘Crush Calculator’ of which the author claimed that you could calculate the one you like’s feeling. All you gotta do is just typing your full name and 3 people you like. But instead of calculating their crush on you, they just fooling you around by sending the names you type to the one who suggest you to fill that fake calculator.

Well, about one year ago a dear friend of mine also popped the same trick one me. Well, me as a naïve one (no protest :p) excitedly jumped and typed my full name and ones I like into that box without read the disclaimer box correctly.

And when I clicked “Calculate!”

Owh shit! I’ve been fooled. OMG.

You know why I was so frightened? Well yes, because I typed guys names as the ones I like. Arrrgggggghhhhhh. And the thought that the submitted form was sent to one of my straight friends absolutely scared me. Geeeeezzzzz, what my friend would say if they know?????

I abruptly cancelled all my tasks that day, just to meet that friend of mine whose quiz fooled me. After a few blah blah blah and bleh bleh bleh, I (luckily) finally made him sure that I was just joking with that quiz. I also said that I’ve known such trick before and just played on him by filling guys’ names in those boxes. And lucky me he’s kinda unadorned and well…long to short, he just thought it was funny. *my heart was beating so fast in relieve*.

Oh well…

Filler... Filler...

Found this in one of my friend’s blog and I think it’s nice to share it here with you guyz. So you can comprehend what you really feel toward someone =)

*When you LIKE someone, you want to have him for your own egoistic reasons.
*When you CARE for someone, you want him to be happy and not for your own self.
*When you LOVE someone, you will do everything for his happiness, even if you have to sacrifice your own life.

*When you LIKE someone and be with him, then you will ask “May I kiss you?”
*When you CARE for someone and be with him, then you will ask “May I hold you?”
*When you LOVE someone and be with him, then you will hold his hands tight…

*LIKE is whenever he cries, you will say “It’s all right, don’t cry.”
*CARE is whenever he cries, you will cry together with him.
*LOVE is whenever he cries, you will let him cry on your shoulder and you say “Let’s solve it together.”

*LIKE is when you see him you will say, “He’s handsome and gorgeous.”
*CARE is when you see him you see him through your heart and not your eyes.
*LOVE is when you see him you’ll say, “For me he’s the greatest gift God gave me..”

*When the one you LIKE hurt you then you will be furious and don’t want to talk with him anymore.
*When the one you CARE for hurt you, you will cry for him.
*When the one you LOVE hurt you, you will just say, “It’s okay, he just doesn’t know what he has done.”

*When you LIKE him, you will PUSH him to love you.
*When you CARE for him, you will LET HIM DECIDE.
*When you LOVE him, you will always WAIT for him with all your faith and sincerity.

*LIKE means you will accompany him when it worth for you.
*CARE means you will accompany him when he needs you.
*LOVE means you will accompany him whatever you do.

*LOVE is demanding.
*CARE is about giving and receiving.
*LOVE is about giving with all your sincerity.

Oh, I LIKE the right guy in the picture by the way, the one with the pale blue tuxedo, lol.

Finally

Yesterday…

I told STUPIDO that I’m also gay.

Well, not directly. But still.

When I checked my trevvy (formerly known as sgboy.com) account yesterday and browse through the docklet, I accidentally reckoned this picture of him, which I’ve already familiar, laying there, on the random profile generator. For your information (which I don’t think it’s a necessity, I believe you all already knew trevvy before), trevvy always displaying random profile on the main page. It’s some kind of member advertising though. And it really was a coincidence, indeed, that his profile was displayed on the random profile generator, right when I browse through my account.

I opened his profile, and maybe part of me was a bit nonchalant of the prospect of him knowing me and my gayness, I sent him a PM. Wanted to know how he would react to that.

>Subject: Hm….
>Are you STUPIDO??

I don’t really care if he would act ice-cool as if nothing happened or avoiding me because of that. I don’t care. I didn’t do it on some special reasons (like breaking him up wif Ca or make him afraid, for instances). It was just an impulsive urges to do so.

Nah, I just want to see his expression when he sees me tomorrow.

Today, the same time, the same place…

I checked at my trevvy account once again, and I noticed I get few kisses and one PM. Anxiously I opened my inbox to see my PM, and there, STUPIDO replied,

>Subject: Re: Hm…
>Hehehe, yes, it’s me ;-)

Yah, he knows me now. Not a big deal actually.

Yay! I’m Back

I’m really sorry for the late updates to this blog. My internet connection was really bad this last week. You know, I even couldn’t open the blogger homepage. Pheww, the problem is over, finally… That d*** ‘lelet’ internet connection, always makes me mad….

Yah, hope this fast connection will last long^^

Men vs Women: Bermain Api

Recently I’ve been thinking…

I dunno what’s wrong with me, really. I can attract women easily (yah, well maybe not that easy, but still) but it seems my attraction qualities aren’t useful against men.

I never do flirting thingie on women though. I never did. But they still saying that I’m sweet, understanding, not demanding, etc etc, and they like me because of that! (Yah, well, it’s not peculiar that I’m sweet and understand girls’ feelings, I’m gay after all)

And now, in my uni there’s this girl, I call her LIN. My friends told me at times, she has a ‘feeling’ for me. Well, since last year, I can say that we quite close somehow. I often asked her about the assignments, the tutorial, and many more because we were in the same class back then. But I never give her, even any subtle signal back, that I like her, I swear. Especially for that I’ve already aware of my gayness, so I try not to ‘bermain api’ with girls feelings. I don’t want to give her any hope, even slightest one that I might be with her. I don’t want to deceit her or myself. I believe in karma, you know. Now I chose men than women to be with me. And I get along with it.
Back to the story, this condition is now become more severe. That is because my friend Lim. My close friend, Lim, boasts that I AM NOW DATING LIN against the real fact that I’m actually not. He even said that in front of LIN. Gosh. And when I saw LIN’s face when Lim said this, she smiled! I know this was a bad sign, because she has NEVER smiled like that before, when anyone told her a gossip that A guy or B guy liked her. In such cases, she would just silent and showed that sullen (a.k.a ‘cemberut) face. I inferred from that smile, the gossip of her having a ‘feeling’ for me is true.
This few days, she also sends these short messages,

“Good night… Have a nice dream and sleep tight ^^”

“Chris, I want to have lil’ chat… Did you know Al said something about me? Blablablablablablablablablablablabla”

And many more… I know she just try to have conversations with me. And I, being well-mannered, of course reply her with such a good and diplomatic answer, not letting myself plunge into man-o-woman kind of relationship (as what STUPIDO has with Ca).
Owwwwh, I wish that my self-persona is more useful against men x-)

Confession of a Broken Heart

Remember when I told you in my post about STUPIDO is now dating a girl named Ca? This post is related to that post, so if you haven’t read it yet before, I recommend you to read it before read this one.

Today as usual I met Ca at my uni, in my spare time between those laboratorial sessions which took all day long. It has been my habit, since the first time we quite close, for making fun of each other. Yah, at first we mocked each other out la, especially there was also my friend Lim, who also has the same hobbies of ‘ejek-mengejek’ so the mocking session was so uproar, haha. I said that she’s fatty lah, and many other names and she responded by calling me skinny and what what else. I hate when she started mock me about the gossip of me dating a girl friend of mine, Lin (that’s another story which I’d like to tell you later).
But after that, her expression became serious. She said she wanted to tell me something but kinda hesitate to do so. So I kept nagging her about that and told her that I would zip my mouth if what she’d tell is actually a secret. Lim also espoused me by told Ca that we two have mastered in romance relationship and that perhaps we can help her solve her problems.

So the story began… She told me that she’s not happy for being with STUPIDO. And somehow she regrets the choice she made back then, for being wif STUPIDO. She told me, that dating with STUPIDO is no more than common friend relationship. She asked us will it do any better if she breaks up with STUPIDO.
These are small picks of her saying which really getting through my mind,
“Please you two teach him…”
“Teach him what?”
“Teach him to be a real man.”
“What do you mean Ca? What real man?”
“I dunno, it’s seems as we two aren’t a dating couple. All I feel is our relationship is no better than a friendship.”
…………………………………..

I pity her though. Really. At that time, it was really HARD for me not to tell her this: “For God’s sake, he’s gay!!! He just uses you as a concealer for his gayness. Broke up with him Ca, otherwise you would suffer even more… Please… break up wif him. It’s really for your own good” Shit!

My heart ached to see her like that. But instead of yelling her that whole truth, all I can do for her was just telling her that she should ask STUPIDO about where this relationship will go. And she should also tell him what actually she expects from him, now that she and STUPIDO are dating.
I didn’t envy nor jealous at all at their fake relationship (thanks to STUPIDO for merely acting as a straight man), all I want to say is: What the points of him for dating a girl if he actually couldn’t make her at least enjoy the relationship itself. Even if he only makes her as a concealer, at least show her a little respect and attention. Don’t let her suffer like this. It’s such an egoistic thing to do.
Drenching my curiosity of how they two dating, I also asked her how many times they two go on a date, just the two of them. And guess what? She told me that they only made it once, to the cinema, watching a movie, yesterday. Oh, what a date…..

Das Boobs: a Peek through Her Heart

“One of my girl friends is feeling generous today; she lets me peek through her heart, literally.”

Yesterday I went to the church with a bunch of friends. They are Ren, Li, Ty, Sa, and Nez. And as usual, after we attended the Holly Mass there, we would feel a bit hungry. So there we were, discussing about the restaurant choices. And at last, we finally decided to try the new restaurant near my dorm. Part of it because we heard that after 7 o’clock in the evening, there would be a half price discount there, lolz.

The restaurant wasn’t too crowded that night. And there at the restaurant, we sat at the 6-person dinner table. And then Li chose to sit in front of me. Li wore a bit tight denim jacket tonight. And perhaps because the restaurant’s ambience was so warm and cozy, she felt a bit sweaty. She took of her jacket. And inside, she only wore a thin I-dunno-what-to-call-it-in-English some kind of ‘baju kutang’, that kind you only wear if you want to sleep at home if you know what I mean. Sleeve-less and of course a bit loose. Owh, this girl is so skanky…kekeke.
You must have guessed what happened next, while she ate, she bowed at times. At first just slight bow. But time after time, she bowed more and more deep. Gave me a free look to her boobs (her boobs were just a bit covered by her breast-supporter by the way, lolz). Gosh, fortunately I’m gay. Other (ab)normal male-species would just take advantage at my position. You can even take a picture of her boobs while she bowed quite long lho because she really didn’t paying attention to the surrounding at all while she ate. Ah, ah, she was really lucky that I’m such a guy with a great decency, hahaha.